Magic Lamp

24 – Two Days Later – Hour 4

The following takes place between 10 pm and 11 pm

10:00 pm – A voice says, “Yes, EVERYONE is here…just pipe down! I think he’s here.” Chloe looks over and can see a light shining underneath a door. The door opens and the figure in the doorway turns on the lights in the room. It’s Jack.

10:01 pm – The room is full of people who yell, “SURPRISE!” Jack pulls out his gun, and points it at everyone. Chloe sees that she’s standing in an office, which is packed with many other people. They’re all wearing party hats. A short, dark-haired pregnant woman wearing a waitress apron pulls Jack by the arm, and says, “No water pistols in Sammy’s office! Now get in here.” She slaps his hand, removes the pistol from his hand, and shoves it in the waistband of his pants. Jack is stunned because he has never seen someone move that quickly before. He glances over to see Chloe, who shrugs.

Jack says, “You’re going to have to show me how to do that.” The waitress says, “Get pregnant eight times and try and keep your kids from getting into trouble. That’s the crash course!” She goes to the door, looks into the next room, and says, “What’s wrong with you guys? Get in here now!” Bill and Morris go into the room. The woman closes the door, and says, “Sammy will be here any minute. Now quiet down!” She turns off the light.

10:03 pm – Jack says, “Chloe, where are…. YOW!”

We hear the woman’s voice, “Say anything else and I’ll find a real gun and shoot you with it! Now quiet down!”

10:04 pm – Somewhere out in the city, the group of terrorists stands around listening to a walkie-talkie. A voice which sounds like it has been disguised by some sort of electronic device says,. “The next objective is several blocks from here. This should be very simple. Just go in, grab it, and get out. If you see Bauer or any of the rest of them, I want you to kill them!”

10:05 pm – Back in the dark room, everyone’s quiet. We hear some footsteps outside the door again, and it opens. The lights go on, and everyone yells, “SURPRISE!” Everyone in the room goes up to the tall handsome man that just opened the door and tells him “Happy Birthday, Sam!”

10:06 pm – Sam is very surprised. Everyone in the room leaves the office to go into the next room, which turns out to be a bar. Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill all move to a table off to the side to figure out what’s going on.

10:07 pm – Sam tells the dark-haired woman, “Carla, I thought we’d been shut down! The bar is never empty at this time of night!”

A young man behind the bar interrupts, “Well, there was that time that Mr. Peterson and Mr. Clavin had that baked bean eating contest…”

Sam says, “Oh yeah Cliff, I remember that. I thought you guys were going to explode!”

Cliff says, “Norm and I were conducting highly scientific experiments! We wanted to find out how much gas we could hold in.”

Carla says, “Clavin, if we let all that gas out, you’d completely deflate!” Cliff seems nonplussed.

10:09 pm – Over at Jack’s table, they talk about what’s been happening to them. Jack says, “We’ve got to figure out what’s going on. We’ve been transported from that warehouse to that house, then to a tropical island, and now into this bar.”

Chloe says, “It must have been that computer setup in the warehouse. Whatever that archway was, it must have been some kind of gateway to allow people to transport to different places around the world.”

Morris says, “That doesn’t make any sense! We walked through that archway once. We haven’t walked through any other archways since, and yet we find ourselves transported for no apparent reason. That…” Morris stops talking as Carla walks up to their table.

Carla says, “What would you like?” Jack says, “Four beers.” Carla leans over to Bill and asks, “Ok, I have his order. Do you see anything you like, hon?” Bill tells her that he’s pretty sure Jack ordered for everyone. Carla mutters, “No one takes hints anymore.” She leaves to get the beer.

10:10 pm – Chloe says, “I’ve been thinking about this. It’s like we’re in some kind of weird time-space warp. It’s the only reasonable explanation for this.”

Morris rolls his eyes, “That’s your explanation for everything lately: ‘Ooo! I can’t find my car keys! It must be a time-space warp! I bought serial cable instead of Cat5! It must be a time-space warp!”

Chloe says, “YOU’LL be in a time-space warp if you don’t shut up!”

Jack intervenes, and says, “Stop it, you two! Chloe, I agree with you.” Chloe smirks at Morris. Jack continues, “You have to stop fighting. We shouldn’t draw attention to ourselves. The less attention we draw and the more we blend in, the better.”

Bill says, “Jack’s right. The best thing for us to do is just observe what’s happening to see if we can get some kind of clue about what’s happening. We’ll just lay low and see what we can think of.”

10:11 pm – The door to the outside of the bar opens, and a heavy-set man walks in and says, “Evening, everybody!” Everyone in the bar yells, “Norm!”

The young man at the bar says, “What can I get for you, Mr. Peterson?”

Norm replies, “An intravenous beer drip, Woody, and make it snappy!”

Commercial

10:16 pm – Norm and Cliff start telling jokes to each other. Norm says, “A man with three ducks walks into a bar…”

While this is going on, Jack approaches the bar. He flashes his badge and tells Woody in a low voice, “I’m from CTU Los Angeles. I need to use your phone.”

Cliff overhears this, and says, “Help the man out, Woody.” He turns to Jack, “Cliff Clavin. Good to see another man in the service here to visit. I might be able to take you around and show how we do it here in Beantown.”

Woody asks, “What’s CTU?”

Jack starts to tell him, and Cliff interrupts, “That would be Cargo Transport Unit, one of the branches of the Postal Service of these United States! Why, they haul more cargo before 6 am than most people do all day!”

Carla walks by and says, “You carry around more cargo behind you than most people do in a lifetime.”

Cliff says, “Why, thank you Carla! That wa…. HEY!”

10:18 pm – Woody hands Jack a phone, and Jack dials the CTU number. He only gets a message that says the number is not in service.

10:19 pm – Outside of the bar, a Chinese terrorist drives away in a Corvette as a severe-looking woman and a dignified-looking man enter the building.

10:20 pm – Cliff says, “Ok, a psychiatrist and his wife walk into the bar…”

Norm says, “I’ve already heard this one… ‘Yeah, but I didn’t count on the marbles’… really funny, Cliffy.”

Cliff replies, “No, really… Frasier and Lilith just walked in”.

Frasier says, “Good evening, everyone! Sam, you must thank Rebecca for us when you see her.”

Sam says, “What for?”

Frasier replies, “I had no idea Cheers was attempting to raise its status amongst your wealthier clientele!” He looks right at Cliff and Norm, “No offense, men.”

Norm looks up, “None taken.”

Sam says, “What are you talking about, Frasier?”

Lilith replies, “Why the attendant you employed at the street side. I have to say you’ve picked up on that trend quiet nicely. It was only last week when little Fredrick’s academy started using them.”

Sam thinks a minute, and then starts to laugh. “Frasier… I think you’ve been had. I don’t have an attendant. You fell for the oldest trick in the world. You gave your car keys to a car thief!”

Frasier starts to laugh and so does Lilith. “As if I’d drive here!” More people start to laugh. Frasier continues, “We took a taxi here! I was talking about the Corvette that the attendant just went to park.”

10:22 pm – Sam continues to laugh… for a split second until he realizes what Frasier just said. “My ‘vette? Someone just stole my Corvette?? You didn’t throw yourself in front of the guy so he couldn’t get away???” Sam hops over the bar, runs out the door, and up the stairs. We can’t see him, but we can hear him scream. He runs back downstairs. Sam asks, “What did he look like? Which direction did he go?”

Frasier says, “Well, I believe he was Taiwanese. He was headed north of here as he drove away.”

Lilith interrupts, “No, you’re wrong, Frasier.”

Sam is becoming more agitated, “Well, which way WAS he going?”

Lilith says, “He was definitely from Mainland China. I could tell by the clothes he was wearing.” Everyone at Jack’s table stops talking when they hear the words “Mainland China”.

Lilith sees the look on Sam’s face and realizes that wasn’t what he asked. “Oh, um, yes… he was going north…”

Carla says, “That’s in the direction of Gary’s Olde Towne Tavern!”

Sam says, “Gary must still be mad for the last prank we pulled on him! He must have had my car stolen. We have to get it back!”

Jack decides this is the right time to step in and goes to speak with Sam. “I’m with CTU Los Angeles. We have to go after that guy. He’s a wanted terrorist!”

Sam says, “Friend of yours, Cliffie?” Cliff nods. Sam continues, “If that guy gets one little scratch on my ‘vette, I going to beat him senseless! Who has a car I can borrow? Norm? Carla? Cliff?”

Carla tells Sam, “My kids dropped me off. This time they even slowed down.”

Norm says, “I walked here.”

Cliff says, “But that’s thirty-seven blocks!”

Norm replies, “Well, it was either that or walk one block home and get the keys from Vera to drive here.”

Sam says, “Come on guys! We need a car!”

Cliff says, “No can do, Sammy! All I have is the official U.S. Postal Service vehicle that is for official use only!”

Jack says, “But it’s after 10 pm! What official business can you have at this time of night? You’re in here drinking!” Carla sneaks up behind Cliff.

Cliff fidgets, “Well… you do have a point there.”

Carla grabs the keys from Cliff’s pocket and tosses them to Jack. She immediately starts making retching noises and tries to wipe her hands off on her apron. “You owe me, Sam Malone! I touched Clavin! Do you know how much soap I’m going to have to use to get this stench off of me?” She runs to the bathroom.

Jack tells Chloe and Morris to stay put, and to let him know if anything happens. Bill and Jack run off, and Chloe yells after them, “How are we supposed to do that, if our cell phones don’t work?” Norm, Sam and Cliff run out of the bar. Cliff pleads, “At least let me drive!”

Morris says, “This must be what he meant by ‘We shouldn’t draw attention to ourselves.’”.

10:26 pm – Cliff jumps into his mail truck. Sam and Jack are standing next to him, and we can see Bill is the back of the truck with Norm. Sam tells everyone that Gary must have had his car stolen because of the “Hair Club For Men” sign they put in place of the “Gary’s Olde Towne Tavern” sign. They start heading for Gary’s bar.

Bill asks Norm, “So, do you go chasing after people in mail trucks often?”

Norm says, “Let’s see…. This is Thursday…. Yeah, that’s about right.”

Commercial

10:32 pm – An elderly Chinese couple enter the bar, and Woody directs them the restaurant upstairs. Chloe and Morris are immediately suspicious of this, and follow them upstairs. A young Chinese man wearing workman’s coveralls comes into the bar. He tells Woody that he’s here to install a new cooling motor in the pool table. Woody can’t get over the fact that pool tables now have cooling motors in them, and he directs the workman to the back room. The guy starts heading to the back room, looks around, and sidesteps into Sam’s office, closing the door behind him.

10:34 pm – The mail truck pulls up outside of Gary’s Olde Towne Tavern. Cliff says, “I have a great plan. I’ll just need a stack of those occupant postcards. Yeah, you never know when these things are going to come in handy.” Bill hands Cliff small stack of postcards and asks, “Who’s Evelyn Woodooski?”

Cliff nervously says, “Just hand me the cards…”

Norm interrupts, “Isn’t she the woman that got that restraining order against you to stop delivering mail to her house?”

Sam says, “Yeah, I think it was… What are those for, Cliff?”

Cliff blurts out, “Just never mind that. Aren’t you worried about your car? I’m going to go in there and pretend to deliver the mail, and I’ll see what I can find out.”

Norm says, “Don’t you always pretend to deliver the mail?” Cliff gives him a dirty look.

Sam says, “Just let him go.”

Jack tells everyone, “I’m going to go around to the back to see if I can find anything. Bill, get behind the wheel in case we need to get out of here fast.”

10:36 pm – Jack gets out of the truck with his gun drawn and heads towards the back of the building. He sees a dumpster, but there’s no sign of Sam’s Corvette. There’s a loud scream from the front of the building. Jack goes running back to front of the building, and he sees Cliff with the back of his underwear stretched over the top of his head. Cliff tells everyone that his plan didn’t work as well as he hoped.

10:37 pm – The maintenance man who went into Sam’s office finds what he was looking for: A baseball. He leaves Sam’s office and tells Woody that he’s all done with the repair, and that they’ll send a bill. As he leaves, Chloe and Morris come back downstairs, arguing about whether or not they should have frisked the couple that went upstairs to dinner. Morris says, “We were fine until you tasered that woman!”

At the same time, Sam uses a very large cell phone to make a phone call to Carla. Sam tells her to call the police because Gary doesn’t have the Corvette and it needs to be reported as stolen. Carla tells Sam, “After I washed the Clavin off of me, I called the most connected people I know, to see if they knew of any Chinese auto theft ring. They didn’t have any idea where to look. I guess my kids aren’t on top of this sort of thing as they used to be.”

10:38 pm – Woody asks to talk to Sam. He says that the pool table repair man just left, and that they’re going to invoice for the services rendered. Sam tells Woody that there was nothing wrong with the pool table and that he’s told him a million times not to let people repair things that aren’t broken.

Commercial

10:46 pm – Cliff drives back towards the bar, and while Sam keeps talking to himself. “What did my car ever to do anyone? And now I have people fixing things that aren’t broken! This is going to cost me a fortune! If they got one scratch on it…” They stop at a light.

10:47 pm – A Corvette from the cross street drives past them. Sam yells, “THAT’S MY CAR!” Cliff makes a right turn and starts to go after it. He says, “Everyone hold on!” He flips a cover on the dashboard, and presses a button. The mail truck really starts moving really fast.

Amid all the shaking and rattling around as the car accelerates, Cliff says, “I made a few modifications to the truck to deliver mail more quickly.” They rocket up to and then past the Corvette, which makes a left turn behind them, and is gone.

10:48 – Jack tells Cliff, “You better let me drive.” Cliff is hesitant at first, but then regains his composure, telling Sam, “It’s a professional courtesy to let members of the Cargo Transport Unit to drive any vehicles they need to. It’s in the union rules.”

10:49 pm – Jack slams on the breaks, spins the truck around 180 degrees and floors it. Cliff screams. Jack makes a turn to follow the Corvette without even slowing down, narrowly missing other cars as he does so. Jack yells to Bill to come up to the front to drive, and orders everyone else to the back.

10:50 pm – Jack pulls out his gun. Norm tells Cliff, “This guy is really serious!” Jack starts to shoot at the Corvette, and Sam yells for him to stop before something happens. Right about this time, something does happen: one of Jack’s bullets meets up with the gas tank of the Corvette, and it explodes! The Corvette goes flipping end over head, and lands on its roof.

10:52 pm – The driver of the Corvette is dead, and the passenger frantically talks on a walkie-talkie to someone. Jack and Bill go running out to the car. Sam staggers out of the mail truck, followed by Norm and Cliff. Sam mutters, “My car! My car!”

10:53 pm – Traffic has stopped all around them. Jack has his gun drawn and orders the man out of the car. The man yells something in Chinese and a baseball goes rolling out of the driver’s side window. Jack is still yelling at the guy in the car to get out, and ignores the baseball.

10:54 pm – While this is going on, a car slowly drives up across the street. The driver’s side door opens, and gloved hand grabs the baseball as it rolls up to the car. The window behind the driver rolls down, and a machine gun comes out and starts to shoot at Jack and the Corvette. Everyone runs back to the mail truck, which takes a few bullets in the side.

10:55 pm – Jack starts to return fire. Norm swears that if he gets out of this alive, he’s going to spend more time with Vera. There’s a bright flash, and the shooting stops. Sam, Norm and Cliff look around, but don’t see Jack and Bill. The occupants of the car that were shooting are gone, and so is the man that was still alive in the car. Norm looks at Sam and Cliff, “You’re not going to hold me to that promise, are you?”

Sam slowly walks out to his Corvette to assess the damage and says, “How am I going to explain this?”

Norm asks Cliff, “How are you going to explain on the damage to your mail truck?”

Cliff replies, “This sort of thing happens all the time in the line of duty.”

10:59 pm – Instead of the street they were standing in, Bill and Jack are now standing in a curved hallway. There’s a siren going off and a large red rectangular panel is flashing on and off.

11:00 pm – Time’s up!