Magic Lamp

Last Time:

The Hollywood-Looking head terrorist has enlisted the aid of Janosz, who specializes trying to bring back madmen back from the grave. Janosz has been successful in bringing back Marwan from the dead. Manilow has unsuccessfully tried to warn acting-president Aaron about the plot in order to save his own reputation, only to find that Hollywood has been behind the whole thing. A couple of brave people tried to get Audrey to a hospital, only to crash their ambulance. Audrey is now wandering the streets of Hollywood. Chloe and Curtis traveled to the Midwest in search of Jack. Jack was taken to a doctor by a man and woman that appeared to be an Amish couple. As Chloe and Curtis catch up with Jack, RoboEdgar lands near them. Jack has ordered the members of the Lawn Rangers to surround the group as they prepare for RoboEdgar’s attack.

The following happened between 2 pm and 3 pm, and we were stuck behind someone writing a check, so we might have missed something when we switched to a shorter line.

2:00 pm – The Yoders and the doctor, Johan, run out of the house after Jack, just as Jack tells Chloe and Curtis to get down on the ground. RoboEdgar could start firing his guns at any moment. Chloe tells Jack that she has an idea. She pulls something out of her purse and pushes her way past the Lawn Rangers and starts walking slowly to RoboEdgar. Jack hits the dirt. Curtis says, “Oh, yeah, this will end well” and Curtis hits the dirt too. Jack calls to Chloe to try and get her to come back.

2:01 pm – Chloe holds her hands up over her head as she tried to talk to RoboEdgar. Chloe says, “Edgar! It’s me! Chloe!” RoboEdgar stops, and tilts his head in very much the same way a dog does when it’s trying to understand you. Well, very much the same way, if the dog weighed about two thousand pounds and was completely covered in metal. Chloe gets closer to RoboEdgar, and holds out what she grabbed from her purse and tries to give it to him. Curtis says that it’s that candy bar that Chloe bought at the gas station when they refueled. Jack is yelling at Chloe now, and tells her that feeding RoboEdgar is exactly the wrong thing to do. Chloe turns around and tells Jack that she knows what she’s doing. One of RoboEdgar’s guns changes back into a hand, and he grabs the candy bar out of her hand and pushes her to the ground.

2:03 pm – RoboEdgar eats the whole candy bar and takes two steps towards Jack. The Lawn Rangers all switch their mowers to mulch as they prepare for the attack. RoboEdgar suddenly stops. We see his eye roll upward, and he falls over backward. Chloe moves out of the way just in time.

2:04 pm – Everything is really quiet. Chloe stands up and tells Jack that he should have believed her. Jack asks what was in the candy bar. Chloe tells him that it wasn’t a candy bar; it was a granola bar. The health food was something completely foreign to RoboEdgar and when he consumed it, it made his system go haywire.

2:06 pm – Hollywood-looking terrorist guy gets a phone call. It’s Manilow again. He tells the Hollywood that he’s got really good news. Hollywood asks if Jack Bauer is dead yet. Manilow says no, but he did save a lot of money on his car insurance. Hollywood hangs up the phone. He turns to Janosz, and tells him that he needs to go after Marwan to help him with the secondary plan. Janosz doesn’t seem to understand who this Marwan guy is. Hollywood patiently explains this to him, and Janosz says “Oh! You mean Vigo!” Hollywood says “Yeah, sure, whatever” and Janosz leaves, humming the theme from Ghostbusters.

Commercial

2:11 – Chloe bends down to look at RoboEdgar, and finds a small metallic box attached to his neck. She tells Jack that it’s some sort of control device, and pulls it off of RoboEdgar. It has the label “Acme Remote Control”. Chloe says that she’s bought a lot of Acme’s stuff on the internet, and while they seem to have quite a number of road runner capture devices, the rest of their stuff is pretty good. That and they have incredibly fast delivery services. Chloe says she’s going to see what she can find out about RoboEdgar.

2:14 – Jack thanks the members of the Lawn Rangers for their help. The Rangers resume their normal Lawn Ranger activities. Jack and Curtis head toward the Yoders. Curtis tells Jack that this all seems to be really familiar, but he’s guessing that it has to do with the day long “Witness” movie marathon he watched last week. Jack says that this place seems familiar because it’s one of the Midwest bases of CTU!

2:16 – The Yoders and Johan explain to Curtis that over a hundred years ago, in order to have covert agents throughout the country, they came up with the whole “Amish” idea. They figured that if the entire set-up looked like a quaint country tourist attraction, no one would ever be the wiser. Johan tells Jack that what they’re about to see might be a bit of a surprise. They go inside the Johan’s house.

2:18 – Audrey is wandering down Hollywood Blvd, when she comes up in front Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. She spends several minutes there, trying to get her feet to conform to her favorite movie star, and starts crying when she can’t do it. A staff member from the Theatre comes out to see why Audrey is scaring away customers, and she sniffles that she can’t get her feet to match Lassie’s footprints.

2:20 – Cheney Looking Guy walks into Acting President Aaron’s office, and says that Aaron will be relieved to know that they’ve found a perfect replacement for Manilow. They’ve decided to go with President Allstate’s brother Wayne. Aaron says that it was an honor being shot at when he was with Wayne, and that Wayne would do well as president. Cheney Looking Guy says that they wanted to put someone likeable into the presidency after Manilow. Aaron says that even he knows that they succession to the line of the president doesn’t really work like that, and that the Speaker of House would be next. Cheney Looking Guy says that even the Speaker wouldn’t touch this with a ten foot pole. So, what they plan to do is make Wayne the Secretary of Defense while Secretary Heller is off missing. The Speaker of the House, the President Pro Tempore of the Senate, the Secretary of State, the Secretary of Treasury, and the Head Chef of the White House kitchens all turn down the job, and voila! Wayne will be president. Aaron agrees that President Wayne has a nice ring to it.

2:21 – Agent Morris finally arrives at Hollywood’s secret lair, and Hollywood seems completely startled to see him. Hollywood asks how he was able to find the lair. Did he question Manilow? Did he interrogate one of the Henchmen? Morris pulls out “Hollywood Maps of The Diabolical”, points at their location, and suggests that they move to a new hideout.

Commercial

2:26– Johan takes them back down stairs into the communications area, and over to an office. One wall is covered with pictures that look like they date back from the 1800s. Each one of them has a picture of an Amish man that looks a lot like Jack, with the name “Jack Bauer” under each of them. Johan tells Jack that these guys are relatives of his, and the last person to hold a secret security clearance was Jack’s grandfather, Jack. They all figured that a name like “Jack Bauer” was the perfect “Amish” cover. Johan explains that Jack’s parents took him away from all that, and that’s why he doesn’t remember any of this life. Jack mumbles something about this all explaining this strange attraction to horse buggies.

2:29 – One of the terrorist henchmen that Hollywood hired is in a military-style plane flying over some corn fields. He calls Hollywood on the phone, and wants to know if he should still carry out the attack. Hollywood says yes, and the henchman puts down the cell phone, grabs a pizza box and walks out of the plane. Another henchman picks up the phone and tells Hollywood that the attack just went to deliver a carry out. Hollywood smacks himself in the forehead and tells the second henchman that he just wants the plan run just the way they discussed, and then hangs up.

2:31 – Jack calls Bill back at CTU, tells him that RoboEdgar has been disabled. He also tells him that Chloe is working on RoboEdgar. Bill tells Jack that since RoboEdgar is disabled, and since he had a pretty hard day yesterday, he can take the rest of today off.

2:32 – A huge crash from somewhere above them scares everyone in the underground communications center. Jack up the stairs and into the main part of the house. He looks at the ceiling and sees that part of it has buckled, but not fallen in. Outside we hear an airplane that’s pretty low to the ground, and then another loud THUD and a SPLAT. We hear Chloe yell, “THAT’S DISGUSTING!”

2:33 – Jack runs out of the building, and he looks into the sky to see the plane headed away from them, and shoots at it a couple of times just because he hasn’t shot anything in some time now. He looks up at the building, and a really big shark is on top of the house. He looks over where Chloe is and she’s about ten feet from another shark that splattered all over the street.

2:35 – Hollywood gets a phone call. It’s the second henchman. He informs that the shark attack on Jack Bauer proved to be unsuccessful. Hollywood carefully explains to him that a shark attack happens in water, NOT in the middle of cornfields in the Midwest, and that they were supposed to go to a secondary plan when they left Miami! The henchman unsuccessfully tries to point out that it wasn’t actually in a cornfield; it was in the middle of the street. Hollywood doesn’t seem to appreciate this angle very much. He orders the henchman to do things right this time, and says “I want you to make sure it looks like an accident!”

Commercial

2:39 – Jack calls Bill to tell him that there’s still something going on, and that wants to know the position of the plane that just flew over the town. Bill says “up”, and Jack says that he wants to know where the plane is run now. Bill still says “up”, and Jack finally gives in and tells him to let him know if Bill can figure out where a plane carrying two large dead sharks came from, where it’s going, and why they landed here. The sharks, not the plane. And not so much landed, as splattered.

2:40 – Curtis is asking the Yoders questions about the Midwest, still fascinated by the wide-open spaces, and the opportunity to lay out even larger perimeters.

2:41 – Chloe calls over Jack and Curtis, and tells them that she thinks she can fix RoboEdgar. They both cross their legs and wince, and she says she means that she can repair him. Jack tells her to do what she can.

2:43 – Cheney Looking Guy is standing with Wayne Palmer and some of the White House kitchen and gardening staff in front of a video conference with the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. The Head Chef of the White House Kitchens doesn’t look very pleased about this whole situation, since HE could have been the President. Cheney Looking Guy leans over and tells him that he’ll get his own personal solid gold Kitchen Aid Mixer with all the attachments, and the Chef seems a lot happier. The Chef asks Cheney Looking Guy if he can at least get a military band to play “Hail to the Chef” at least once, and CLG tells him not to press his luck. Wayne is sworn in as President.

2:45 – Audrey has been abandoned by the theatre staff, who have gone in to call the police. A black car with tinted windows pulls up in front of the theatre. Someone rolls down the window and calls her name. Audrey goes over to the car, puts her whole upper body into the car and says “Well! Hello there!” The car pulls away from the curb, Audrey’s legs wildly kicking in air while she tries to get the rest of herself in the car.

2:46 – Chloe tells Jack and Curtis, “I think I’ve got it”. She presses a button in RoboEdgar’s lower back. RoboEdgar suddenly opens his eyes, and sits straight up, startling everyone. RoboEdgar turns his head, sees Chloe and says, “Glowie, eye nerve her mend too herd Annie won. Theme aid me. Thee won Ted meat two herd Jag. Wee half tooths hop hem.” He slumps back over with a loud crash.

2:47 – Jack and Curtis look at each other and then back at Chloe. Chloe says that there’s something wrong about how he’s speaking, and Jack assures her that they’ve figured that out. Curtis asks if Chloe understood what RoboEdgar just said. Chloe rolls her eyes and says, that yes, she did. In fact she is an expert in many languages. Curtis asks her to say something in Fortran. Chloe ignores this, and Jack asks what language that was. Chloe said it was English, just a little mispronounced. Chloe tells them RoboEdgar said, “Chloe, I never meant to hurt anyone. They made me. They wanted me to hurt Jack. We have to stop them.”

2:48 – Jack calls Bill and says “Someone is trying to kill me”. Bill says that this is no cause for alarm, since stuff like this happens to Jack all the time. Bill says he’ll call into the CTU organization there, and have them arrange for a trip to an airport.

Commercial

2:53 – Chloe tells Jack that she better stay here with RoboEdgar until he can be completely repaired. Johan assures Jack they have a state of the art facility there, and Chloe will be able to do the necessary repairs to RoboEdgar there. Jack tells her to get back to Los Angeles as soon as she can.

2:54 – Cheney Looking Guy escorts the newly sworn in President Wayne Palmer into the LA office of the President. President Wayne’s first act is to order the entire contents of Manilow’s Barbie collection removed from his desk, and returned to him.

2:55 – A car drives up to Jack and Curtis. They thank the Yoders and Johan for their help, and drive off down the road. Then they back up and ask for directions to the airport. They thank them again, and drive in the correct direction this time.

2:56 – Curtis and Jack get a little way out of town, when they notice a tow truck helping a couple of cars at the side of the road. One of the guys is on a cell phone.

2:57 – The guy on the cell phone is actually the henchman, and he’s getting chewed out by Hollywood…again. Hollywood says, “When I say ‘Make it look like an accident’, I mean, ‘Make Jack Bauer’s death look like an accident’!”

2:58 – Bill receives a phone call, listens, and says “Well, you’ll have to come up with a bigger threat than that!” and hangs up.

2:59 – Jack receives a phone call and puts it on speakerphone, and the person at the other end of the line says “CTU doesn’t seem to care about this, but I think you will. We have Audrey Reigns here, and unless you do as you’re told, you’ll never see her again!” The person at the end of the line hangs up. Curtis tries to give Jack a “high five”, but you can tell Jack is in no mood for that.

3:00 – Time’s up!

We’re pretty sure that this happened between 12 noon and 1 pm, but we can’t be sure since we were out to lunch and no one was here to answer the phones.

12 noon (3 pm Eastern Standard Time) – The helicopter containing Chloe and Curtis is spinning around violently, and it flies off, trying to stay out of the wind currents RoboEdgar is generating. We see Jack shooting his gun as he falls. He’s shooting at RoboEdgar, trying to get RoboEdgar to stop spinning around in mid-air. Bullets are ricocheting off RoboEdgar, sending them in every direction. As he drops closer and closer to RoboEdgar, Jack slaps himself in the forehead and says “Parachute!” while still shooting his gun. As Jack falls past RoboEdgar, he grabs RoboEdgar by the feet, and begins spinning around too.

12:01 pm (1:01 pm You Spin Me Round Time) – Chloe yells at Curtis to do something. Curtis slaps Chloe and tells her to get a hold of herself. Chloe punches Curtis hard in the face, and tells him that he better get a hold of himself, and that they have to help Jack. Chloe calls Bill to tell him that they’re following Jack. They fly after RoboEdgar as he starts to head back to the coast, Jack still hanging on for dear life.

12:04 pm (1:04 pm Pacific Time) – Secretary of Defense Heller has miraculously landed in a potted tree on the roof of a building after jumping out of his helicopter. He calls Bill to find out the latest status. Bill tells Heller that RoboEdgar is headed to the east coast. Heller panics, asks Bill to tell Audrey that he loves her, and jumps of the edge of the building.

12:05 pm (1:05 pm Specific Time) – At the LA compound, Acting President Aaron calls Russia on the presidential “hot line” to that calls directly to the Kremlin, and hangs up really quick when someone answers. The “hot line” rings, and Aaron waits to pick it up. When he finally does, the person on the other end wants to know why he called. At first Aaron denies calling anyone until the person on the other end points out they have a really sophisticated technology in place that can detect who makes calls, called “Caller ID”, plus the Kremlin is the only place that phone can call to.

12:07 pm (12:37 pm Newfoundland Time) – Manilow wakes up and realizes he’s in deep trouble. He hasn’t fed the parking meter in the lot in an hour. That, and Marwan is back. Manilow runs out of the shop. He runs through the mall saying, “Omigosh, Omigosh, Omigosh, Omigosh”, and nearly passes out from hyperventilating. He tries to get out of the mall, but spins around in a revolving door several times before freeing himself.

12:09 pm (8:09 am We’re Just Waking Up Here Miami Time) – Chloe and Curtis fly after RoboEdgar and Jack, as RoboEdgar gets closer and closer to the water. Jack swears he sees a pink starfish and a yellow sponge wave at him as he rushes over the water. Just before they reach the beach, RoboEdgar starts going even faster. They soar high into the sky, over the buildings and out of sight.

Commercial

12:13 pm (3:13 pm New York Time….You got a problem with that?) – Manilow gets to his car where a parking officer is writing up a ticket for his car. Manilow tries to argue the ticket and the officer writes him a ticket for being a bad president impersonator. Manilow tries to argue that ticket, and the officer writes him of up for being impersonating a bad president. Manilow decides to cut his losses, and leaves.

12:15 pm (12:15 pm …but for you, 12:05 pm Flea market Haggling Time) – Agent Morris is still on the phone trying to explain what happened with the nuclear weapon. We see that he’s on the phone with the mysterious mastermind that looks like a Hollywood agent. He can tell he’s a mysterious mastermind because he’s wearing a “Mysterious Mastermind” name tag. Hollywood tells Morris to get back to LA right away, because their plan to get Jack away from LA and kill him is almost complete.

12:17 pm (1:43 am Crazy Time) – Curtis and Chloe fly the helicopter they took from the Port of Miami back to the airfield where they landed their specially adapted Harrier jets. Someone has painted them pink and turquoise, which as we’ve noted before, is the law in Miami. Chloe is on the phone with Bill back at CTU trying to explain what happened, and to see if Bill can bring up anything on the screen that would help them. Bill says that Chloe’s CTU computer seems to be broken!

Commercial

12:23 pm (Stardate 42354.4) – Bill continues to mess around with the computer trying to get it to work. He explains the situation to Chloe to see if she can diagnose the problem. Chloe tells him that he use something called the “On/Off button” on the front of the computer. The computer springs to life, runs down the hallway and disappears. Chloe suggests using one of the other computers at CTU, not hers. Bill sees that RoboEdgar is headed for the Midwest, but doing the calculations of where exactly he’s headed is going to take some time.

12:25 pm (Second Lunch, Hobbit Time) – Secretary of Defense Heller, who survived jumping of the building by doing a series of swings around flag poles that were hanging off the side of the building. He’s walking on a bridge when he stops to call Bill to find out the latest status. Bill tells Heller that RoboEdgar is headed somewhere in the Midwest. Heller panics, asks Bill to tell Audrey that he loves her, and jumps off of the bridge.

12:27 pm (Reset the Timer, The Cylons Are Coming Back AgainTime) – Still slightly disoriented, Marwan argues with the people at the séance table, tells them he has to go to work, and leaves. He heads straight for a home improvement store, and starts stocking shelves. A lady comes up to him to ask where she can find knobs. He turns away from her, and starts talking to thin air: “Door knobs, brass tacks, left handed wrenches and many of your other home improvement items are just some of the things we carry. Come on down to visit our store today. …..Did you get my good side? We can do another take if you’d like. …Hello? Hello?” The lady backs slowly away from Marwan, and goes down another aisle. Marwan continues to talk to a film crew that isn’t there.

12:29 pm (2129 pm Coordinated Universal Time) – Manilow drives up the LA presidential compound and jumps out of the car, causing it to crash because he forgot to stop the car before getting out of it.

Commercial

12:30 pm (4:BQ Uncoordinated Universal Time) – A CTU agent walks over to Bill and tells him that Audrey wasn’t drunk. She explains that Audrey was completely covered in nicotine patches, and that Audrey might be unstable for the next few hours. Harold asks what horses have to do with that. Bill ignores him to ask the CTU agent how they’ll be able to tell when Audrey returns to her “normal” self since she’s fairly unstable most of the time anyway. We see Audrey in the background counting the fingers on one of her hands, noticing that she has more fingers on the other hand, and repeating this over and over again.

12:33 pm (3,000,000 BC, Time Travel Time)– A guy at the home improvement store walks up to Marwan and asks where they have lawn mowers, and Marwan tells him, “Aisle ’12 I’. ‘I’…as in Infidel!” Marwan shakes his head as if he doesn’t realize why he said that.

12:36 pm (Two days from now, New Zealand Time) – Manilow is surrounded by protesters outside of the LA compound. They’re holding signs, and chanting that Manilow should be out as president. They notice Manilow, and run over to yell at him. Manilow asks if they’ve been watching the news, and one of them admits that they don’t watch the news very much because it’s hard to understand. Manilow tells them that if they’d been watching the news, they’d realize he’s not president anymore, and they’ll have to protest somewhere else. The crowd gets really quiet and one of them asks if that’s really true. Manilow says that it is. Someone else says, “Well. OK then” and tells the rest of the crowd to pack up and leave.

12:37 pm (Two days ago, Old Zealand Time) – Jack is still flying with RoboEdgar, buzzing really close to the treetops. Jack swears that if he sees one more “See Ruby Falls” sign, he’s going to go find Ruby and make her fall.

12:38 pm (Sometime today, What The Heck is a Zealand Anyway Time) – Curtis and Chloe are getting really impatient waiting for Bill, so Chloe calls him back. Harold answers and says that Bill took an early lunch. Chloe goes ballistic and tells Harold to set her workstation up so that she can access it remotely. Chloe pulls out her MP3 player, cracks the back open, and works on the wiring for a minute. The screen for her computer at CTU comes up on the screen on the MP3 player. She watches the screen as she sees RoboEdgar and Jack stop somewhere in Indiana. She tells Curtis this, just as she sees RoboEdgar take off again, headed northwest.

12:38 pm (Quarter past Arthur Weasley, Potter Time) – We watch as RoboEdgar tries to shake Jack off while zooming around a corn field. Finally, after holding on for so many miles across country, Jack lets go and lands in the field. The camera pans back at RoboEdgar flies off, and we see that the crop circle RoboEdgar has left is in the exact design of the Krispy Kreme logo.

Commercial

12:44 pm (1:44 pm 1885, Doctor Emmet Brown Time) – We see Jack lying on the ground in the cornfield, confused about what happened. He has a cut on his forehead, and his vision is blurred. We watch through his perspective as dark figures approach him. Jack passes out.

12:46 pm (1:46 pm 2015, Marty McFly Time) – Chloe calls Harold to let him know they’re headed for Indiana, and Curtis starts the Harrier jet to take off. The engine doesn’t sound right… It almost sounds like someone has installed speakers on the outside of the plane. They open the hatch on the plane and hear that the plane is playing Buster Pointdexter’s “Hot! Hot! Hot!”, as they take off.

12:48 pm (1:48pm Happy Hour Somewhere Time) – Manilow is finally able to make his way up to the guards after the last of the protesters leave. The guards have no idea who he is, and ask to see his ID. He asks to see VP Scary, but the guards say that he’s been taken away in to a laughing academy. Manilow doesn’t know what that means, and says so. The guard says, “You know… The crazy house? The loony league? He’s out dancing the KookyKabana?” Manilow says, “Oh! The funny farm!” The guard nods, and they sharing a laugh. Manilow says asks who is in charge, because he needs to talk to someone.

12:50 pm (150 AD, Let’s Create an Atlas Time) – Secretary Heller wakes up on the top of a barge that he fell onto when he jumped off the bridge. He calls Bill to find out the latest status. Bill tells Heller that he’s out to lunch and that he’s not sure where they are right now. He also says that the pastrami sandwich he’s having is great. Heller panics, asks Bill to tell Audrey that he loves her, and jumps off the boat.

12:52 pm (36:52 Zed’s Alpha Centaurian Time)– A couple of men in black suits arrive at the home improvement store and whisper something to the girl at the customer service desk. She looks at them funny, and then point to the microphone on her desk. She picks it up and says, “Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I hope you’re enjoying your shopping experience with us today. If there’s anyone in the store that would like to talk to the people filming their commercials, or would just like to talk a little about the infidel, please come to the customer service desk”. Marwan goes to the front of the store, and the men discuss something with him. They all leave.

12:54 pm (Six Minutes To Time’s Up Time) – Manilow walks into the acting president’s office. Then, he opens the door, and walks into the office where we see Acting President Aaron on the phone with his mom trying to convince her about what’s going on today. Aaron sees Manilow, and Manilow tries to explain that Marwan is back, but Aaron doesn’t seem to believe him.

12:56 pm (1:56 pm, 1955, Time Capsule Time) – We see Jack in a dark room, and a woman who we can’t quite see is mopping his forehead with a wet cloth. She tells Jack that he’s had a fall, and that getting something to eat would be the best thing right now. Jack asks for a peanut butter and Jello sandwich. She tells someone else in the room that she’s concerned about the bump on Jack’s head, and they have to take him to a doctor. A male voice asks Jack his name, and Jack says “Jack Bauer”. Another male voice, says “See! I told you! I knew he was one of us! Now get him dressed so we can go to the doctor!”

12:58 pm (50280 seconds past midnight, UNIX time) – Curtis and Chloe are nearing Indiana, but Curtis isn’t sure exactly where he is. He complains about the lack of little lines that separate all the states like they have on maps. Chloe shakes her head, and tells him to land as soon as he can, so they can get directions.

12:59 pm (One Minute To Go Time) – We see a horse drawn buggy going down a dirt road. As the camera pans around the buggy, we see two men and a woman all dressed in traditional Amish clothes. One of them has a bandage around his head. It’s Jack!

1:00 pm (1:00pm Time’s up Time) – Time’s up!

(PS. Happy Birthday, Dave!)

The following might have happened between 11 am and 12 noon, but we’re not really sure because the tests haven’t come back yet.

11:00 a.m. (2pm Eastern) – Jack hands the “Hurricane Edgar” note to Chloe, and calls Bill at CTU via the Jackphone. Curtis wants to know how Edgar becoming a football player will hurt anything. Jack puts Bill on speaker and asks where Edgar is headed. Bill says he thinks Edgar is headed for “utter doom”, and Chloe laughs because she says she remembers seeing cows in a video game with that name. Jack yells at both of them to quit acting goofy, and Curtis jumps in and says that to do that they’d have to drive four hours north and audition. Bill asks Jack what he’s worried about, since Chloe’s homing signal is within 10 feet of them and everything is fine. Jack spots the homing signal device the Chloe built, laying on the ground.

11:02 – Ex-president Manilow walks down to one end of the mall where a number of the stores appear to be closed. Strange music is coming out of one of them. It appears to be some sort of novelty store. He checks the door to see if it’s open, and after pushing on it with all his might, realizes that it opens towards him and goes in.

11:03 – (2:03 Eastern) Jack, Chloe and Curtis are looking toward the east trying to figure out where RoboEdgar might have gone. A small crowd of Herald Hunt participants start to gather behind them, to try to see what Jack, Chloe and Curtis are looking at. Chloe says that RoboEdgar must be getting low on fuel. Jack asks what “fuel”, and Chloe looks at him like he just opened an e-mail attachment without having a virus checker installed. Chloe explains that the reason Edgar must have attacked the donut shops and snack factory was to get enough energy to fly all the way to Miami. Curtis asks why, if that were true, did RoboEdgar end up with a nuclear device? Chloe is just about to make a snide remark to Curtis about this when she realizes that he’s right. Curtis “high fives” Jack, and writes down today’s date and time, and tells them they’re both witnesses. They all start walking towards the east, closer to the street, which is getting considerably louder than before.

11:05 – Audrey stumbles into CTU very dazed. She wanders past the guards, telling them that she’s Agent 99, and she’s there to see Max. She stumbles up the stairs to the CTU situation room, where lots of situations have happened. Bill asks where she’s been, and Audrey asks him if he knows the way to San Jose. Bill tells Harold that something is wrong with Audrey. Harold isn’t really sure how Bill can tell this, but he goes along with it anyway. Bill asks Audrey if she’s inebriated, and she tells him, no, she’s drunk. Harold takes a step closer to Audrey and realizes that she’s ticking! Harold points at her and says “Bomb!” and dives under the desk. Audrey giggles and says “Boom!” Bill thinks about what to do for a minute, sighs, and calls the bomb squad.

11:07 – A dyslexic convenience store.

11:08 – Bill explains the situation to the bomb squad. The guy from the bomb squad tries to convince Bill that waiting, oh, about 10 hours might help the bomb defuse. Bill considers this for a moment, and then tells them to get down there right away.

Commercial

11:12 – Secretary Heller enters the office of VP Scary, who is arguing with one of the secret service agents. Scary is insisting on being called “Emperor”. The secret service agent turns to leave, rolls his eyes, and tells Heller “Good Luck”. Heller excuses himself from the room, and talks with some of the secret service agents, including Secret Service Agent Aaron.

11:13 – Bill and Harold frantically try to get Audrey to quit making sudden moves, but Audrey seems dead set on chasing them around the room yelling “Boom!”. The bomb squad arrives, and again asks Bill if he’s really sure they want them there. Audrey starts crying, and the bomb stops ticking. The room gets really quiet, except for a loud whining noise which makes everyone dive behind a table. The whining noise suddenly gets much louder when Audrey joins them all behind the table. Bill realizes the whining noise is actually Audrey. One of the bomb squad guys next to Bill looks over and sees that Audrey’s tears defused the bomb. The rest of the bomb squad looks pretty upset at this news.

11:13 – Manilow wanders around the dimly lit novelty shop, not noticing that the men in black suits that had been following him go right past the front door. The weird music continues to play. Manilow finds some pretty funny-looking masks, and tries one on. He looks in the mirror and thinks it’s a little odd, because doesn’t see the mask. It takes him a few seconds to realize that he just put a “President Manilow” mask on himself.

11:14 (1:14 Central) – We see Agent Morris at the last working pay phone in America, telling someone on the other end of the phone, “They booted me from the plane.”

11:15 – Secretary Heller bursts back into Scary’s office saying that a horrible tragedy just happened. Heller tells Scary that the mobile battle station they were building was just blown up by a teenager, a space pirate, and some kind of really tall monkey. Scary looks really mad, and says that Heller will have to pay the price for this. Scary points his hands at Heller and shakes them. Nothing happens. Scary looks at his hands, then at Heller and then points his hands at Heller again, shaking them harder this time. Scary mumbles something about a pilot light being out, as two hospital orderlies enter the room. They tell Scary that they’re here to give him a nice, new, tight-fitting white jacket with his name printed upside down so when it looks down he can read it easily. Scary points his hands at them, and nothing happens. They finally convince Scary to go with them by telling him they’re there to take him to an important Imperial Senate meeting, and if they don’t hurry, he’ll be late. They leave.

11:19 (2:19 Eastern) Jack, Curtis and Chloe are near the roadway, just standing there, wondering what to do next, and where Edgar might be trying to refuel. Off in the distance, a line of white cars are heading in their direction. A guy named Jim standing behind Jack says “Oh, this can’t be good”. Jack turns around and asks Jim why that would be. Jim says, “You have no idea. They get up early in the morning and drive around really slow to make us late while we try and get to work. Then when we try and get back home, they’re out again driving really slow. Forget about trying to catch an early dinner. Every restaurant is jammed. I haven’t gotten home before 7 pm or eaten at a restaurant before 8 pm in years. I don’t know why they’re out now, unless they thought they would be getting a lunch special some place. You don’t want to see them angry!” As the white cars get closer, we see there’s a very long line of them, and they’re swerving over all the lanes of traffic. This being Miami, many of the residents don’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, but Jack, Curtis and Chloe look nervous.

11:21 (2:21 Eastern) – Curtis points at the line of cars and tells Jack that they look like the same cars they told about the fake lunch special. The guy they’re with says they better get out of there because the people in those cars are going to be really mad. Jim says their only hope is to outrun them, or to stall them until 8 pm at which point they’ll all fall asleep. Chloe says that outrunning them seems to be a much better plan.

11:22 (2:22 Eastern) – Jack asks Jim to whether he has a car nearby. Jim takes them to his car, and Jack tells Jim that Curtis better drive because there might a lot of shooting, and high speed chases. Jim laughs, and tells them to get into the car. The car’s tires squeal on the way out of the parking lot, and as the wheels on the left side of the car go up in the air, Jim asks them where they want to go. Curtis tells Jim that he’s very impressed with his driving ability, and Jim confides that all drivers in Miami are taught to do this.

11:23 (2:23 Eastern) – Jack is talking with Chloe as Jim drives. They’re trying to figure out how RoboEdgar could possibly get enough food to get out to sea to become Hurricane Edgar. Jim says that cruise ships are probably their best bet. They head for the Port of Miami. Jack phones Bill, and Bill tells him that they’ve been able to trace RoboEdgar to one of the cruise ships that already left earlier in the day. Jack asks how Bill how he was able to do this. Bill tells Jack that they used a combination of satellites, sophisticated radar imaging, and the trail of empty potato chip bags they saw floating in the water.

11:25 (2:25 Eastern) – We see RoboEdgar standing on the deck of a cruise ship, wearing a “I Love to Cruise” t-shirt. We hear an announcement about the early afternoon snack being served on the Lido deck. There’s a stampede of people that head down to the Lido deck.

Commercial

11:29 (2:29 Eastern) – RoboEdgar is in line on the Lido deck, trying to blend in. An announcement over the PA system tells people there is a mid-afternoon buffet, and free skeet shooting on the Sports Deck. There’s a stampede of people that head up to the Sports Deck.

11:30 – Secretary Heller is standing near a presidential helicopter just outside of the LA presidential compound, talking to Secret Service Agent Aaron. Heller says that Aaron himself will have to take over as president temporarily until as suitable replacement can be found. Aaron says that under those conditions it could take a really long time, and that he hopes Heller has a better plan than that. Heller tells Aaron it should only take a short time. Heller takes off in the helicopter.

11:32 (2:32 Eastern) Up on the Sports Deck, RoboEdgar is standing in line for the buffet, wearing a first place blue ribbon for Skeet shooting. An announcement says that the “kind of early but really closer to mid-afternoon ice cream festival” is taking place just outside the casino, and there’s a stampede of people as they head there.

11:33 (2:33 Eastern) – Jim’s car arrives at the Port of Miami with Jack, Chloe and Curtis. Jim points to the pink and turquoise helicopter and says that would be there best bet to get to the cruise ship. Curtis questions the color of the helicopter, and Jim says that in South Florida, it’s the law. Jack thanks Jim for the ride.

11:34 (2:34 Eastern) – Jack, Chloe and Curtis approach the pilot of the helicopter, who is outside checking out the fuel lines. Jack shows the pilot his CTU badge, as Chloe and Curtis get into the helicopter. The pilot shows Jack his Captain Crunch ring. Jack tells the pilot that it’s vital to the country’s well-being that they get a ride to the cruise ship right away. The pilot says that it’s vital to his well-being that he should get paid right away. Jack points at a passing blimp showing a clue to the Herald Hunt, and when the pilot looks up, Jack stamps on the pilot’s foot really hard. Jack jumps into the pilot seat of the helicopter, and takes off. Curtis and Chloe just stare at him. Jack says “What?? I’m conserving bullets, OK?”

11:36 – Heller is flying over LA in the helicopter he’s in, which is much less pink and turquoise than the one Jack is in. Heller phones CTU to let Bill know that Scary has been taken away, the Aaron is temporarily in charge, and to find out what the situation is with RoboEdgar. Bill explains that Jack is following RoboEdgar, and that Audrey had a bomb attached to her which has been deactivated. Heller says that there’s obviously some kind of plot going on, and to watch out. Heller looks around and sees a news helicopter, panics, and tells Bill to “Tell Audrey I love her”, and jumps out of the helicopter.

11:38 (2:38 Eastern) – Jack spots the cruise ship and lands on it, meeting the captain of the ship. Jack asks the captain if there’s any place on the ship where there might a lot of food. The captain asks if Jack is kidding. Jack tells Curtis and Chloe to start to search the ship.

11:41 – Acting President Aaron orders a Big Mac with Krispy Kreme Donuts instead of a sesame seed bun for lunch, just because he always wondered if the president could do something like that.

Commercial

11:46 – Manilow is still poking around in the novelty store when he hears voices coming out of the back room. He peeks into the back room and sees several people sitting around a table holding hands, while one of them is chanting something.

11:47 – (2:47 Eastern) Chloe sees RoboEdgar participating in the ice cream eating contest, near an area with a lot of slot machines and calls Jack about it. Jack tells Chloe that he’ll be right there, and calls Curtis to tell him to go.

11:48 – One of the people that’s been chanting in the room that Manilow is watching, starts mumbling in a language the Manilow can barely understand. He’s confused until he realizes it’s English.

11:49 – (2:49 Eastern) Jack and Curtis find Chloe, watching the contest. Jack suggests that they create a diversion while Jack tries to get to RoboEdgar. Jack and Curtis start making suggestions about starting an impromptu Limbo contests, and Chloe tells them to stop. She makes them swear that they won’t repeat what they’re about to see. Chloe walks over to one of the machines, presses the buttons on the front in a long sequence of pushes, drops a quarter in and pulls the handle. All of the machines come up with three bars, and start shooting money all over the place.

11:52 – (2:52 Eastern) Jack attempts to get to RoboEdgar, pushing against the crowd that’s trying to get to the money. Before Jack gets there, RoboEdgar looks up, ice cream all over his face, and sees Jack. Before Jack can take another step, RoboEdgar leans back in his chair and crashes through the window behind him, and tumbles out of sight.

11:54 – (2:54 Eastern) Jack looks out the window, just in time to see RoboEdgar has fired the rockets in his feet again, and zooms right past the window into the sky. Jack turns around and has a combination of rocket exhaust, ice cream and orange cheese powder all over him. Jack runs to the staircase and heads upstairs. Chloe and Curtis follow him.

11:56 – Manilow watches as a ghostly figure appears out while the chanting continues. The ghost appears to be very hazy, and he can’t quite tell who it is. He starts humming the “Casper the Friendly Ghost” song to himself.

11:57 – (2:57 Eastern) Jack, Chloe and Curtis get into the helicopter, and Jack tells Curtis to fly the helicopter after RoboEdgar. Edgar is hovering in mid-air and starts to rotate in place. Jack tells Curtis to get on top of Edgar, and Curtis says that would need a really bigger ladder for that. Jack tells him to fly over Edgar, which he does.

11:58 – Manilow watches as the ghost seems to solidify even more. The ghost appears to be wearing an orange apron of some sort. Manilow watches in horror as Marwan materializes in the room! Marwan is back! Manilow faints.

11:59 – (2:59 Eastern) Chloe asks Jack what he’s going to do. RoboEdgar is rotating really quickly now and the air surrounding the helicopter is getting more and more turbulent. Jack says that this is the only way he’ll be able to stop RoboEdgar, tells Curtis to get the heck out of there. Chloe screams as she watches Jack step out of the helicopter!

12 noon – Time’s up!

The following didn’t really occur between 10 am and 11 am, but we’re going to pretend that it did anyway.

10 am – Chloe says, “The Herald Hunt… Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of it”. Morris says that he didn’t know Helen Hunt had a brother, and Chloe slaps him in the back of the head. She explains that the Herald Hunt is a puzzle game that’s held in Miami every year, and that thousands of people participate in it. Jack tells everyone, “We have to get to Miami and fast!” Morris asks why they would go to Miami and then not eat, and now Jack slaps him in the back of the head. Audrey looks pretty excited about going to Miami until Jack tells her that “We” is not so much “Jack, Curtis, Chloe, Morris,
Audrey, and Secretary Heller” and more “Jack, Curtis, Chloe and Morris”. Audrey bursts into tears.

10:03 – The Hollywood looking mastermind is fresh out of terrorists, so he hits the speed dial on his mastermind cell phone. “Hi, it’s me. Yeah. Listen, could you send over a few more thugs? I’m going to need them right away. Yeah. Uh huh. I think five lackeys, six henchmen, and about four minions should do it. Yeah. What? No, I don’t want any sidekicks. They always seem to be messing things up. Ok, yeah. Thanks.”

10:05 – Scary has ordered all of the secret service agents on his detail to wear white storm trooper armor. Secret agent Aaron is able to get out of this by telling Scary that they don’t have any in his size, and Scary tells him that he has something else in mind. Aaron hears the suggestion, looks horrified, and makes a phone call to Secretary Heller.

10:07 – Secretary Heller’s talks to Aaron on his cell phone. Heller assures Aaron that Aaron will not have to wear any metal bikinis, and that’ll he’ll be over to straighten things out as soon as he can.

10:08 – Jack asks Heller what kind of transportation he has that can get them to Miami as fast as possible. Heller suggests that aging rapidly and retiring would probably do it, but Jack tells him they don’t have time for that. Curtis says that he has a much better idea. Curtis hits speed dial on his cell phone, and asks for “Two Curtis Specials” to be delivered to the factory site. Heller jumps into the driver’s seat of his car, and he and Audrey leave, knocking over several garbage cans, a mailbox and several pedestrians.

10:09 – We can tell ex-president Manilow is still really mad about getting tricked into resigning the presidency because of the white knuckled grip he has on the steering wheel and on his purse. Since he is mad, he does what any other ex-president would do. He decides to go shopping. He heads to the mall.

10:10 – Seemingly forgotten in the CTU interrogation room, Miles has been struggling with the door to get it open, until he realizes it’s been unlocked the whole time. Miles starts walking backwards out of CTU, hoping to fool the guards into thinking he’s entering the building. He passes the guards, who don’t seem to think a thing of this.

10:11 – Two Harrier jets zoom across the sky toward where Jack and company are standing. The jets hover for a moment, sending orange cheese powder everywhere, and then land. Curtis explains these are special “Curtis equipped Harrier Jets” that he’s been working on with Chloe. They use similar technology that make the cars he’s been driving Jack around in go so fast. Jack jumps into one of the Jets with Chloe, and Curtis gets into the other with Morris. Curtis warns Chloe to watch Jack’s elbows. Chloe tells Curtis that she can always taser Jack. Jack says “Hello! I’m right here!” They go flying off in the jets.

Commercial

10:16 – Scary wants to hold an official swearing in ceremony. He spends several minutes swearing until someone leans over and tells him that’s not how the ceremony is supposed to go. Also, Manilow is missing. Scary tells his secret service agents to hop into some land cruisers, go after Manilow, and not to forget their light sabers.

10:17 – Heller drives through a hedge, into a tree, and successfully arrives in front of Audrey’s house. More dazed and bewildered that usual, Audrey gets out of the car. Heller tells her to call CTU. Heller drives off, swerving down the road. Audrey turns towards her house. Five ninjas drop on bungee cords from the tree, grab Audrey, and fly back up into the tree… and then drop again, still managing to hold onto Audrey. Then they ricochet back up into the tree again.

10:19 – Somewhere over the US, Jack and Curtis are each flying jet planes towards Miami. Chloe is briefing them about the Herald Hunt over the radio. She says that there’s a good chance that some of The Hunt participants will be able to help them, since they’re extraordinarily intelligent, even by her standards. She explains the object of The Hunt. People are required to solve a series of puzzles. The answers to these puzzles are then used to solve a final puzzle. The people that end up winning get a fantastic prize. Morris mumbles something about the prize being a trip to anywhere away from Miami. Chloe “accidentally” hits the “remote bombardier” button on her control panel, and Morris’ seat goes falling out of Curtis’ plane, parachuting somewhere over Dallas.

10:21 – Miles gets into the parking lot and sneaks over to his car. As he gets there, he sees a small robot poking a hole in his tire, making the last of them flat. The little robot wheels its way over to him, and a telescoping arm hands him a note. It says “Thinking of you. Signed, Chloe”.

10:22 – At the mall, Manilow parks and gets out of his car. As he walks in, we see a lot of men in black suits and sun glasses following him. Manilow turns to see what the noises behind him are, and they all dive behind cars. Manilow doesn’t see anything, so he proceeds into the mall.

10:23 – Miles sees some guards headed towards him in the parking lot, panics, and starts trying to walk backwards to escape. He walks right into Bill, who tells Miles that no amount of moon-walking is going to help him, and that he’s under arrest. Bill orders Miles taken into federal custody.

Commercial

10:28 – Secretary Heller arrives at the LA compound, strategically using the secret route through the fields and forest, since using the road would have been completely obvious. At the last minute, Agent Aaron decides that jumping and landing on the hood of Heller’s car would be a pretty good idea to avoid injury, and does so.

10:29 (1:29 Eastern Standard Time) – Jack, Chloe and Curtis arrive at Miami International airport, but are unable to get clearance to land from the tower. After arguing with them, Jack tells Curtis they had better find an alternative landing site. They land in a rental car parking lot. They get out of their jets and get into a white Cadillac. They drive off heading south. A tourist that had just put his bags into the trunk is left standing there. Jack calls Bill, who tells Jack that the homing signal is in Coral Gables.

10:31 – Manilow walks into the mall, which is very crowded. He walks past several of the stores and seems surprised that no one seems to recognize him. The men in black suits follow behind Manilow, but he’s completely unaware of them. Manilow gets frustrated that no one seems to recognize him, and he starts smiling and waving at people. Finally, after resorting to doing a tap dance, a lady walks up to Manilow and says “Oh, I know who you’re supposed to be! You know, with a little work, you’d look just like the President!” Manilow tries to convince the lady that it’s really him, but she doesn’t believe him.

10:33 (1:33 Eastern Standstill Time) – Chloe explains to Jack and Curtis that answers to The Hunt puzzles are really tough to figure out, but when you get the solution, it’s blindingly obvious that it’s the right answer. Curtis slams on the breaks, and asks Jack what the heck is going on. Curtis points to a large traffic jam of white cars on the road. Curtis tells Jack that he’s never seen so many cars in all his life. Curtis is confused why there is so much traffic and why it’s not going anywhere, since this never ever happens to him in LA. He says it’s even stranger that every one of the white cars seems to have three people in the front and three people in the back. The cars are moving really slowly.

10:36 (1:36 Eastern Sandwich Time) – Jack jumps out of the car and loudly announces, “I’m Jack Bauer with CTU! Please clear the street!” An old man rolls down his window and tells Jack, “And I’m with Miami Vice! That schtick didn’t work in the 80s, and it’s not going to work now, Sonny Boy!” Chloe whispers something to Jack, and Jack yells “There’s a lunch special at the deli on Collins Avenue and Espanola Way!” Tires squealing, the traffic immediately dissipates. Curtis is visibly relieved. Chloe says that should get that traffic WAY far away from them. They continue to head south.

Commercial

10:41 (1:41 Eastern Street Time) – Jack, Curtis and Chloe arrive in Coral Gables and park their car on a side street. Jack calls Bill and tells them where they are. Bill says that he has to wait a few more moments because Google Maps isn’t coming up fast enough for him. It finally comes up and Bill tells Jack that the signal is several blocks south of their location.

10:42 (1:42 Eastern Square Time) – The team heads in the direction Bill suggested, and they run across of group of police officers milling around. Jack explains to one of the officers that he’s from CTU. The officer very clearly and distinctly says, “Bleep”. Jack looks at the officer, shakes his head and starts talking to another officer, explaining they may need help getting people cleared out of the area. This officer responds by saying “Bloop”. Jack turns to Chloe, and asks what the heck is going on, when all of the sudden, the officers break out into a square dance. After a few moments of doing this, they stop, and hold up pictures of barnyard animals over their head. A lady to the left of Jack yells, “I got the answer!” and her friends gather around her. Jack looks completely bewildered, and Chloe says that what they’re looking for isn’t here. Jack says that they’ll never find the nuclear device with this going on. A guy standing near Jack says, “Oh, the nuclear device? I saw that a couple of blocks west of here. That was a tough one. I’m going to have to come back to it later”. Jack, Chloe and Curtis all look startled by this and head off in that direction. Jack calls Bill to have a team of experts meet him, and fast.

10:45 (1:45 Exciting Situation Time) – We see a long line of people. At the front of the line, a guy with a Herald Hunt shirt is busily looking at the nuclear weapon sitting on some cement steps leading up to a building. The timer is set and going down.

Commercial

10:49 (1:49 Explosive Standard Time) – Jack, Chloe and Curtis run up to a long line of people, patiently waiting their turn for something. Jack hears one of them say, “Yes, I messed with it for a few minutes, but couldn’t get it to do a thing. That’s one of the hardest puzzles I’ve seen”. Chloe runs to the front of the line. Just as the guy with the Herald Hunt shirt reaches to touch the nuclear device, Chloe yells for him to stop. Too late. The device makes some whirring noises, and shuts down. The guy looks at the metal container he just deactivated, and kicks it. Curtis faints.

10:52 (1:52 Explanation Standard Time) – As the team of experts (wearing “Team of Experts” t-shirts) arrive, Chloe yells to the crowd, “I’m sorry, but this is not a Hunt puzzle! We have some people here to take this away!” Many of the people waiting in line follow the team of experts as they carry the deactivated nuclear device away.

10:53 (1:53 Enigma Standard Time) – Chloe says, “Jack! That guy over there just deactivated the nuclear device. Where’s Edgar?” Jack points in the direction of another crowd, and says they should check over there. They wake up Curtis and head over to the crowd.

10:54 – A group of ninjas arrive at CTU with Audrey. The ninjas plead with the guards to take Audrey back. The CTU guards refuse to take custody of Audrey, and the ninjas push her towards the guards and run away.

10:55 (1:55 Earplug Standard Time) – A large group of people surround RoboEdgar, who isn’t moving, despite the fact that several people in the crowd are eating food. Volunteer workers are handing out something to people in the crowd, whispering in their ears while they do so. Suddenly, RoboEdgar comes to life, making the crowd take a few steps back. RoboEdgar blasts into the sky, heading east. The crowd applauds.

10:57 (1:57 Examining Standard Time) – As they watch RoboEdgar blast off, someone presses a cylinder into Jack’s hand, and says “It should be obvious” into Jack’s ear. Jack instinctively swings his elbow, and catches Curtis right in the face. Jack apologizes while looking around for who gave him the cylinder, but he can’t tell who did it.

10:58 (1:58 Eastern Secretion Time) – Jack calls Chloe over to take a look at what he has, and what he was told. He hands Chloe the device. It has five rings on it, with letters of the alphabet on each ring. Arrows on either end point towards each other. The device looks slightly different than the one everyone else has. Chloe says that they have to put in a word, and asks Jack what he was told. She thinks for a moment, and dials the letters to a word she’s sure is correct. It doesn’t open.

10:59 (1:59 Eastern Story Time) – Jack takes back the device, shakes it and thinks for a moment. Jack dials the letters to a new word, and the device unlocks. There’s a note inside that simply says “Hurricane Edgar”.

11:00 am – Time’s up!

I’ve collected all my Season Summaries for season five of “24”, and created a page for them. You can see that on the left. The main page is Steve’s 24 Season Five.

The following takes place between 9 am and 10 am

9:00 a.m. – Chloe is stunned to see the large metallic “RoboEdgar”, and watches as he goes around the corner of the donut shop. She can’t believe that Edgar hadn’t eaten the two donuts when she saw him walk out of the building, and realizes something must be terribly, terribly wrong.

9:01 – Chloe contacts CTU to let them know about RoboEdgar. Everyone immediately springs into action: Bill checks to make sure that the refrigerator is still stocked, Jack checks his ammo supply, and Howard runs to get his security blanket from his moped. Jack tells Chloe to stay where she is and that someone from CTU will be there soon. Jack grabs Curtis on the way out, and they leave.

9:03 – Back at the LA compound, Cheney Looking Guy (CLG) is back, and he looks a little nervous. VP Scary (VPS) has changed from his VP costume into dark robes with a hood. He tells one of the secret service agents to inform the padwans he wants to see them.

9:04 – CLG tells VPS that he needs to see the Secretary of Defense right away and wants to know where the Secretary is. VPS waves his hand and says “It’s not the Secretary of Defense you’re looking for. Move Along”. CLG tells VPS that he’s not really looking for the Secretary of Defense, and that he has to move along.

9:06 – Ex-president Manilow is driving a car down the expressway when the phone rings. Manilow immediately starts explaining that it’s not his fault that he signed the papers, and if things had gone as planned in the first place, Ex-President AllState wouldn’t have been shot. Then the phone rings again, and Manilow realizes he hasn’t answered the phone, and that he has been talking to himself. This time he answers, and it’s the Guy with the Cell Phone Head Piece in His Ear Which Makes Him Look like a Hollywood Agent. (GWTCPHPIHEWMHLLAHA… which coincidently is a town in Wales).

9:08 – Manilow starts whining about not being the president any more, and Hollywood tells him that if everything goes according to the new plan, he’ll be president again soon.

9:09 – VP Scary says he feels a disturbance in “The Force”, that it’s as if a million people cried out at once and then were silenced. A secret service agent points out that it was probably a million “24” fans realizing that Manilow might be back, and turned off their TVs.

Commercial

9:14 – Chloe gets impatient and wonders what she can do about RoboEdgar. She remembers there’s an electronics outlet nearby, and gets in her car and the car drives her to it.

9:15 – Audrey goes to her father’s room, announces that the staff says it’s OK for her to take him downstairs to the car, and then home. After a great struggle, she gets him into the wheelchair and starts pushing him down the hallway. The Secretary is making a lot of mumbling noises that Audrey can’t quite make out. Audrey wheels him right past the elevator towards the stairs, and starts to take him down that way. Amazingly, she’s in complete control of the wheelchair – for exactly one stair. The rest of the stairs are less “in control” and more “completely out of control”, and the wheel chair goes bouncing down the entire flight of stairs. Audrey runs after the wheelchair and is completely relieved to find that her father is completely safe, upstairs in his room. She grabbed the wrong person by mistake.

9:19 – Back at CTU, Howard announces to everyone that he, through some intrepid analysis, has discovered that RoboEdgar is knocking over donut shops in order to disable the police departments throughout the city. Bill says that’s very cliché, and if someone were writing about everything that happened right now, that person wouldn’t sink to the level of making a “cops and donuts” reference.

9:21 – Chloe arrives at the electronics store, and heads for the computer section. A store employee named Roger who looks like he’s about twelve goes up and asks Chloe if “the little lady” needs some help. Chloe asks what they have. Roger tells her they have a nice little computer that has 16 MB of RAM, a five and a half inch floppy drive, a dial-up internet account, a 10 inch monitor that would suit her every computing need. Chloe tells him that she was thinking more along the lines of a 1000 node cluster with quad processors with a high speed interconnect, 15 exabytes of storage, 10Gbps networking, and a tiled display wall with at least 40 panels, at a minimum. Roger seems stunned for a second and mumbles something about having to check in back, and starts to leave. Chloe interrupts him and says, “Listen you little embryo, I don’t have time for this. What I really need is three 802.16 compliant devices, a box of Indium Antimonide quantum well transistors, and as many dual processor motherboards as you have.” Roger just stares at her, his mouth opening and closing with no noise coming out. Chloe rolls her eyes, says something about having to improvise, and asks where the rest of the telephones are. Roger points across the store, and Chloe heads over there.

9:25 – Audrey enters the hospital room where her father, the Secretary of Defense is sleeping. He slowly starts to wake up, sees Audrey and screams, “I’m doomed! Saint Peter! I belong up there! I don’t want to burn down here!” Audrey tells him that he doesn’t have to have his room moved upstairs, and that he’s coming with her. The Secretary realizes he’s not dead, but he doesn’t look very reassured that everything will be OK.

Commercial

9:29 – Jack and Curtis arrive at the donut shop, and don’t see Chloe. They do see the massive devastation that RoboEdgar left behind, as well as many police officers pointing at the donut shop and crying. A man comes running out of the building nearly running into Jack. Jack asks what the big hurry is, and the guy tells him that his name is Agent Morris, and that he needs to make a phone call right away. Jack tells Morris that he and Curtis are both with CTU and asks what he can do to help. Morris explains that the briefcase he was carrying is missing. He put the briefcase down in the donut shop to order something, and the shop was attacked. Jack asks what it is, and Morris tells him it’s a store where they sell pastries, but what’s really important is the briefcase, because it holds a nuclear device that he was transporting. Jack and Curtis look alarmed, but that’s because their digital watches both go off at the same time. Jack calls CTU to let Bill know what’s happening.

9:32 – After he gets off the phone, Jack notices an overturned hot dog cart and heads over to talk the vendors, never noticing that it’s really weird that a hot dog vendor is out at this hour in the morning.

9:33 – Hollywood FINALLY gets Manilow off the phone, and orders one of his Evil Interns to get caller id installed on the phone right away, just in case Manilow tries to call them.

9:34 – Chloe grabs eleven cordless telephones, some extension cords, and a roll of duct tape and heads for the check out lane. While she’s waiting, she has an idea. She grabs a two liter bottle of diet soda pop and a roll of Mentos while she’s waiting. The check out guy starts to try to sell Chloe a maintenance plan for the phones. Chloe pulls out her taser and zaps him, throws the money on the counter, and walks out.

9:36 – As Curtis, Morris and Jack reach the Hot Dog vendor, Curtis tells Jack that he’s seriously considering setting up a perimeter RIGHT NOW, since he hasn’t set one up in over an hour. Jack tells him to hold off a minute while they question a few people.

9:37 – Jack starts to talk to the Hot Dog Guy, who is busy trying to clean up the mess. Jack asks him whether he saw a large metallic man go by this way. Hot Dog Guy tells Jack he saw the guy they’re looking for and that he went up the street, towards the factory. He also says they better get bigger guns because the guns Jack has won’t cut the mustard, and they should hurry if they want to ketchup. Jack squints his eyes at Hot Dog Guy, and Hot Dog Guy says “What? You don’t relish doing that?” Jack tells Hot Dog Guy to stop it with the stupid puns, or he’ll shoot him. Hot Dog Guy says, “OK, OK, I’m sorry. I knew the puns were cheesy”. Jack shoots him in the thigh.

9:39 – Audrey’s in front of the hospital with her father, and they’re arguing about who’s going to drive. Audrey says tells him that she’s losing her patience, and a passing doctor that he has a problem with losing his patients too.

Commercial

9:44 – Chloe calls Jack. Jack asks where she is, and she explains that she’s going to try and improvise a tracking device. Jack says that acting like a tracking device at a moment like this isn’t probably the best thing to do, and tells Chloe that she should try building one instead. Chloe has a look on her face that would make Jack happy he’s not anywhere in taser range.

9:45 – Audrey finally lets her father take the keys, but only after he shows her the spare skin diving suit in his trunk. Audrey asks her father to try not to take a short cut like the last time he was at the wheel. They go driving off.

9:46 – Chloe tells Jack that she forgot the batteries, just as we see and hear a loud explosion behind Chloe, several blocks away. Jack asks what that is, and Chloe tells him it’s a small power source that can run electronic equipment, but the explosion is probably more important right now. Chloe says she’s not sure what exploded, but there sure is a lot of orange smoke in the air several blocks away. Chloe says she’s going to use the battery from her phone to finish the tracking device, and then head toward where the explosion happened. Jack looks around and sees the orange smoke too, and heads off in that direction with Curtis and Morris.

9:48 – Jack calls Audrey, and asks if she or her father have been in any explosions lately. Audrey says no, but that she saw one several blocks away. The Secretary jumps in the car and heads off toward where they heard the explosion.

9:49 – The Secretary stops the car, backs up and picks up Audrey. They both head off toward where the explosion happened.

9:50 – Chloe, Jack, Curtis, Morris, Audrey and the Secretary of Defense arrive in front of a large snack food factory, exactly at the same time.

9:51 – There’s orange “smoke” everywhere. Some lands on Jack, he tastes it, and tells everyone it’s powdered cheese. Jack asks a completely orange lady what happened. The orange lady, with orange cheese puffs in her hair, powdered orange face and an orange poodle points down the street, and says “Him!” We see orange footprints leading away from where the orange lady is pointing. There, walking away from them in the middle of the street is RoboEdgar, covered with orange cheese powder.

Commercial

9:55 – Jack takes starts to take aim and Chloe stops him to point out the briefcase on the sidewalk. Jack and Morris rush over to the briefcase, only to find it empty. They turn around and Chloe is making her way toward RoboEdgar, who is still facing away from them. Jack yells at Chloe to get out of the way, and Chloe tells him that this is the only way. Jack points out that bullets have always worked pretty well for him, and he can think of quite a few other things to do right now. Chloe ignores this, and is able to sneak up behind RoboEdgar to slap the tracking device on his back with the duct tape.

9:56 – RoboEdgar turns around and sees Chloe. She tries to talk to him, but he doesn’t respond. She tries to hand him the roll of Mentos, while still trying to communicate with him. He still doesn’t recognize her at all. She sets down the 2 liter bottle of soda pop, and RoboEdgar grabs it and drinks it all without stopping to finish the Mentos. About a second later, soda pop goes flying out of his mouth, nose and ears. He looks REALLY mad. He swats Chloe to the ground, and presses a button on his chest. Rockets under his feet start to fire, and he lifts off into the sky, leaving in a cloud of orange dust. Chloe is covered with it.

9:58 – Jack runs to Chloe to see if she’s OK, and asks her why she did something like that. Chloe tells him she needed to get the tracking device on RoboEdgar so they could figure out who built him and where he was headed. She tells Jack that she brought the Mentos and the diet soda pop in case she needed to distract RoboEdgar. Jack asks if she noticed a manufacturing label on RoboEdgar, but Chloe said she didn’t see one.

9:59 – Bill calls Jack on speaker phone and tells him that CTU just received a tracking signal headed east at high speed. Jack asks where RoboEdgar could be headed, and Bill says that from the direction and trajectory, it seems likely that RoboEdgar was headed to Florida. Jack asks what the heck is happening in Florida. Howard says that they’re having some kind of an event in Miami, and that if RoboEdgar still has that nuclear device with him, the people at that event could be in really big trouble. Jack asks what event is happening there, and Chloe says that she knows. She tells Jack that there’s a large puzzle game that happens every year in Miami, and it attracts thousands of people. Jack asks what it’s called, and she says, “The Herald Hunt”.

10:00 am – Time’s up!

The following takes place between 8 am and 9 am

8:00 – A limo with a bumper sticker saying “My other car is Air Force One” rolls up to the LA presidential compound, and several secret service agents get out. No one else gets out. After waiting a few moments, two agents reach inside the limo and try and pull President Manilow out. They have a hard time because he’s holding on to the limo door, arms completely outstretched while the agents pull on his legs. Manilow yells, “You can’t make me go! You can’t make me!”

8:02 – Chloe is still on the phone with Bill, who’s nearly back at CTU. Chloe tells Bill she saw the Chinese ship sink about five miles from the coast, and she thinks that Jack didn’t make it. Bill tells Chloe that he’s pretty sure that Jack floats in water, and not to worry.

8:03 – Marine life all around him in the water, Jack, still groggy from being passed out, looks around the lifeboat he ended up in. At first he tries to remember what kind of party he went to the night before, and then realizes what happened. He has nothing but a couple of oars and a rope. Jack looks at his JackPhone sees that it’s out of power, and gets so mad that he kicks an oar that breaks in half. Jack looks at the broken oar and gets a gleam in his eye.

8:05 – Three secret service agents carry Manilow through the hallways of the LA presidential compound to a room where VP Scary is waiting. The VP confronts Manilow with a piece of paper, and tells him that he has to sign it. Manilow puts his fingers in his ears and starts repeating “La La La! I can’t hear you! Can’t hear what you’re saying!”

8:08 – Audrey’s still in the park crying about the squirrel she saw, but doesn’t seem to notice that several other squirrels have joined the first squirrel. The squirrels all have squirrelly looks on their faces, which is probably good, since they are, in fact, squirrels.

8:09 – Bill arrives at CTU, sees Miles, and tells the guards to put him into interrogation room one. One of the CTU agents, Harold, tells Bill that everything in LA is returning to normal, but there’s been some looting during the night. Bill tells Harold that the lute is
one of his favorite instruments, but what he really wanted to know about was what vandalism might have occurred. Harold tells him that it’s mainly donut shops, and that several stores appeared to have one or both of their outer walls broken in.

8:11 – Mrs. Manilow arrives at the LA compound with Cheney Looking Guy. She grabs the papers from VP Scary and shakes them in front of Manilow. She tells him that signing these papers will be for the good of the country. Manilow says that he’ll never sign papers resigning his presidency. Mrs. Manilow laughs and tells him that the papers
will get him off of another season of “24”. Manilow squeals with delight and faints.

8:13 – Chloe calls Bill and tells him that she spotted something traveling away from the boat wreckage, and she thinks its Jack. Bill tells her to close up what she’s doing and head back to CTU, and then he calls Curtis to head to the beach to see what he can find. Curtis grabs a metal detector, and leaves.

Commercial

8:17 – Audrey finally stops crying. She doesn’t see there are at least twenty squirrels behind her. She takes about two steps, and the squirrels all move in the same direction. Audrey starts to run for her car, and the squirrels start running after her.

8:18 – Manilow wakes up and signs the papers. VP Scary and Mrs. Manilow start to laugh, and tell him that he really signed papers giving up the presidency, and not papers terminating is contract. Manilow tells them that the last laugh will be on them, grabs his
purse and makes a phone call as he leaves the building.

8:19 – Curtis is out on the beach with a metal detector when he notices there’s very loud triumphant music playing from somewhere. We see Jack, a piece of broken oar in each hand, using them to steer two dolphins that he’s water skiing on top of. Jack arrives on shore, and he waves down Curtis.

8:20 – Disaster! Audrey makes it to her car in time, leaving the squirrels outside. There are many squirrels on top of her car as she drives away.

8:21 – Curtis meets Jack, and they head off to CTU.

8:22 – Curtis, putting his extensive knowledge of back roads to good use yet again, arrives at CTU with Jack, apologizing for taking so long.

8:23 – Chloe heads back to her car, ready to go back to CTU to see Jack. As she leaves her house, the doors close and lock by themselves, and her car’s doors open by themselves. Chloe tells the car to go into “self drive” mode, and takes a short nap while the car drives itself to CTU. A squirrel flies by her windshield, but she doesn’t notice.

8:25 – Driving wildly in the other direction is Audrey, squirrels all over her car. Fortunately for Audrey, the squirrels don’t seem to be able to hold on very well. Traffic behind Audrey’s car is swerving all over the place to avoid the squirrels.

Commercial

8:29 – Bill greets Curtis and Jack as they enter CTU. Bill hands Jack a new battery for his JackPhone, and tells Jack that he should get some sleep. Jack tells Bill that there will be more than enough time for that when the crisis is over, and wants to know what the current situation is. Bill looks at Curtis and says there is no “current situation”. The only situation was that Jack had been missing. Jack asks about the terrorists, and Bill tells them they’re all dead. Jack asks about Robocop, and then stops himself when he realizes he gave some bullets to Robocop using his gun earlier. Jack looks incredibly disappointed, and Bill tells him he’s very sorry. Bill says he could send Harold out with a five-minute head start, but Jack says that it wouldn’t be the same.

8:31 – The last squirrel on Audrey’s car makes a particularly scary squirrel face as it slides off the windshield. Audrey screams, and she drives off the road into a middle of a field, luckily missing all the workers in the field.

8:32 – Audrey’s car comes to a stop, and she’s out of gas. She looks around and sees there is something really weird about what she thought were workers. They’re all wearing black hats and black pants, and their faces are white.

8:33 – Bill calls Chloe, waking her up as he car continues to drive. Bill says that Jack is back at CTU now, and not to worry. Chloe decides that since nobody ate anything nearly all day yesterday that it would be a good idea to go to a donut shop to bring in some donuts back to CTU.

8:34 – Jack’s phone rings, and its Audrey. She tells Jack she’s happy to hear his voice and starts crying.

8:37– Three minutes later, Audrey finally finishes crying, and explains what happened and mentions the people in the field that she sees. She tells Jack that she’s about to leave the car to ask one of the people in the field for help. Jack says, “Audrey, listen very carefully. Do not exit the car. We’re coming to get you.” When she asks why, Jack tells her that she’s in extreme danger because she’s in the middle of a mime field. Jack runs to his car.

Commercial

8:41 – Miles is in interrogation room one talking to the mirror, saying that it’s all over. He’s going on and on about why he sided with Manilow, and that he hopes they take his extensive service with Homeland Security into account. No one answers. He says it that he knows they’re behind the mirror there. There’s no one behind the mirror. Everyone seems to have forgotten that Miles is in interrogation room one.

8:44 – Jack arrives at the mime field, and sees Audrey’s car. The mimes are using all their powers against Jack. Some of them are walking against the wind, others are inside invisible boxes, and one is even imitating Jack. They all look really innocent, but we can see that several have pulled out guns.

8:45 – Jack is slowly making his way through the mime field when he hears a weird noise and something goes by his head. Then another. Jack realizes that the mimes are shooting at him! He says, “How can I have been so STUPID? They’re using silencers!” Jack can’t stand it any longer, yells “A mime is a wonderful thing to waste” and starts shooting mime thighs.

8:47 – Jack shoots all of the mimes. The mimes are all gesturing wildly. Jack reaches Audrey’s car, and he tells her to follow him. They both run to Jack’s car and head back to CTU.

Commercial

8:52 – Audrey and Jack arrive back at CTU. Jack tells Bill to have someone clean up the mime field, and that since there doesn’t seem to be anything going on, he’s going to leave to take Audrey to see her father, the Secretary of Defense. As Jack turns to leave, Bill says that they have is Miles in interrogation room one, and Jack can interrogate Miles if he wants to. Jack tells Audrey that he needs to do this, and sends Audrey ahead to meet her father at the hospital. Bill and Jack head for the interrogation room.

8:54 – Miles is in interrogation room one, and is babbling and laughing to himself. Bill asks what’s so funny. Miles says that they’re all doomed, and that Manilow had something up his sleeves. Jack says that he knows Manilow has arms up his sleeves, because he’s seen Manilow in person. Miles says that he didn’t mean and that Manilow had a fail-safe plan. Jack asks what it’s called, and Miles says “The Fail Safe Plan”.

8:56 – Chloe’s car rolls up to a donut shop, and there seems to be an unusual disturbance there. As Chloe is getting out of her car, she seems people screaming as they go running out of the shop. Chloe assumes they’ve run out of coffee and makes a mental note to pick up some after she picks up the donuts.

8:58 – Jack turns to Bill and says, “Don’t you realize? Manilow – Marwan – Miles… All these bad guys have names that start with the letter ‘M’!” Miles points out that the Impeccable English Speaking Terrorist didn’t have a name that started with “M”, and Jack tells him to shut up. Jack then tells Miles that he’ll shoot Miles in the thigh unless Miles tells him what’s going to happen. Miles laughs and tells Jack that it’s already too late; the robot has been released hours ago, and it’s already devastating the city.

8:59 – Chloe is slowly moving towards the donut shop. There’s a HUGE crash as both doors are blown off their hinges, leaving a large metallic figure standing in the doorway, cruller in one hand, and a donut with sprinkles in the other. Chloe turns paler than usual and says, “It can’t be! You’re dead!” Standing in the doorway is: RoboEdgar.

9:00 – Time’s up!